By Order of Lady Patience and Sir Gerard:

Nobody is to have sex on the Round Table. It is made of polished wood and therefore liquids are liable to cause stains.

The tablecloth is there to protect the Round Table from stains, not to provide privacy or a modesty blanket.

Nobody is to attach manacles to the Round Table.

Nobody is to create manacles from plant life, attach them to the Round Table, and then remove them when all activities are completed or interrupted.

Nobody is to use manacles, chains or other metallic items on the Round Table whether attached to it or not.

Anybody using the Round Table room for recreational activities is required to remove their own equipment afterwards.

Or at least clean it.

Nobody is to use the Round Table as a handy horizontal surface for creating abominations.

Abominations created on the Round Table are not permitted to use it as a bed for the next week.

The Round Table does not require any extra legs, arms, heads, breasts or any other appendages. Not even as amusing talking points.

The Round Table is able to take the weight of five people. Activities on the Round Table should involve no more than five people at any one time. Turn-taking is acceptable.

For emergency repairs please contact Rory Carver at the following address. Rory is not available after midnight.

Rory is available after midnight upon payment of double the standard fee plus extra for not telling Gerard or Patience.

Please can everyone stop storing metal-working equipment in the room next to the Round Table. That room is now reserved for Rory.

Anyone wishing to create ambience by scattering rose petals on the Round Table prior to meetings is requested not to hack anyone's partner to bits to achieve this. Even if she consents.

Yes, Aleyn, it is a very nice polecat. Please do not put it on the Round Table.

Whoever has been carving names into the Round Table should be aware that Rory has been invited around to look into this in more detail and the culprit can expect severe punishment.

Update: it appears that the name is 'Arthur'. The main suspect has already been killed.

'Severe punishment' is a threat, not the promise of an entertaining and pleasurable evening! With that in mind, please stop carving 'Ishri' into every piece of furniture handy!

A lock and heavy bolt have been installed on the door to the Round Table room. Please use these as and when necessary.